The time had come, and it seemed impossible to believe the moment had arrived...it was time for us to leave the confines of the hospital and venture out into the 'real' world with its latest addition, our new baby girl.
I had been delaying/denying/postponing this moment for quite some time already. I had secretly been telling myself that as long as we hadn't left the hospital, we weren't *really* parents yet. We weren't really responsible for this little life, and all of the ups & downs it would have on its (her - what a hard concept to get used to) journey.
It took Russ several trips out to the car to get everything (hospital bags, tons of flowers and gifts, etc.) to fit. Meanwhile, I wanted some help breastfeeding one last time before leaving...so, that was another half-hour spent in our hospital room. I loved my nurse, Connie, and I loved having support. I loved being in denial that I would have to leave this safe place and care for our daughter...all...by...myself (well, not for the first week - but solo thereafter). The thought scared me shitless.
And then, as the hospital volunteer helped me into the wheelchair (I thought I wouldn't need it, but it was exhausting just walking down the hall to the ward's kitchen!), and handed me our daughter...the waterworks commenced despite my best efforts to pretend like everything was fine. I was spun around, holding our little baby girl who was staring up at me, and we were off to see the world. Her new eyes were full of wonder and confusion, while my not-so-new eyes were made new by the whole experience.
Russ was well ahead of us to gather the car and wheel around to the hospital entrance. It was just me, Elsa, and the volunteer. As the flourescent lights and shiny tiles flew by, one by one, I knew we were getting ever closer to our final destination - the real world. I had entered the hospital a pregnant, in labor, childless person...full of hopes and dreams for delivering the child inside of me. This wheelchair ride marked the end of the Introduction to our journey into parenthood. The little person inside of me had made her entrance into the world, and for better or worse, we would be in for a long and exciting ride for the rest of our lives.
The real reason for the waterworks? I could protect Elsa while she was inside of me, and I could protect her (though not as well) while we were still in the hospital...but protecting her essence, her innocence, once we had left those safe confines...that will be the hardest job I'll ever have.
